Have a good sex life? Make it great!

how to have good sex

A great sex life is not about explosive orgasms and bedroom acrobatics alone. It is often about communication, and the desire to try something new.

It has been an age-old conundrum down the ages: How to have good sex! Most people equate frequent sex, or wild orgasms with good sex. But it runs much deeper, and knowing how to have good sex is an acquired art.

Try these tips:

* Talk about sex. Most couples tend to discuss sex in terms of whether something hurts or if they suspect an infection or pregnancy. There is hardly any discussion on what should change or made better. And it doesn’t have to be dirty talk or erotica, either. Just casual talk about sex and how it can be better for you both can charge your bedroom with more electricity!

* Strip with a purpose. You strip yourself and your partner when you’re about to go hot and heavy on each other. But have you tried stripping with a definite objective in mind? Play strip poker – each strips one article of clothing when they lose a point. The game could be a simple snakes and ladders battle, or a more exciting truth or dare. As your partner becomes naked bit by bit, you start to feel aroused – and they feel the same when they see you naked by degrees. This soon leads to some pretty memorable lovemaking.

* Have blindfolded sex. This might sound too out there, but do try it. Have a pair of blindfolds at the ready when you’re both sitting on the bed. Face each other and tie the blindfolds on. There will be a lot of fumbling and laughing at first, as you accidently poke each other or miss your mark completely. But when you get into the groove of things, this little trick has the power to unlock the beast inside you. Since the two of you can’t see each other, you’re relying on your touch and hearing to get you through. It’s really sexy having blindfolded sex, almost like your first sexual experience or going to bed with a really hot stranger!

* Give each other a bath. There’s something pure and spiritual about having sex after taking a bath. But instead of showering together, how about if you give your partner a bath? Sit them in the bathtub and add bubble bath to the water. Take some shampoo on your hand and wash their hair slowly and sensually. Now take some soap and rub it slowly all over their body. They will be aroused and exalted by the touch of your hands all over their body, and ready to jump in the sheets with you.

* Give your partner a sensual massage. A sensual massage is a great way to connect with your partner. Not only does it feel great to receive it, it feels nice to administer it as well. There’s a specific technique you must follow when giving a sensual massage. The point of the massage is to first de-stress your partner and then arouse them. It may not always end with penetrative sex, but it certainly serves to heighten your passion.

Giving a blow job made easy

how to give a blow job

Most women are petrified of giving oral sex to their partners. We give you 5 simple tricks to make the experience enjoyable for you both.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you’ve also had sex, it may be time to explore oral sex. You might love it when he goes down on you, but have you ever driven him wild with a really great blow job?

You might be hampered a little if you don’t know how to give a blow job. But that’s what we’re here for: to give you 5 simple tips on how to give a blow job:

1 It’s okay to suggest a shower first. You might be turned off by the idea of oral sex because you feel that he doesn’t smell or taste great down there. Another problem is that the crotch area can get really sweaty and add to your discomfort. But you are not out of bounds to suggest that you take a shower together first. In fact, you will both enjoy sex more after a bath.

2 Get real – your mouth cannot accommodate him. Forget what the movies tell you. The average penis is about 5 to 6 inches long – but your mouth isn’t. It’s not possible for you to take him completely in your mouth, and you will end up retching and gagging if his penis enters your throat. So use your mouth on the tip of his penis, and your hands on the shaft and base. Now work in tandem and get him to explode with frenzy.

3 Lying down on the bed to do it is comfortable for both. Another thing that the movies show is the woman kneeling on the floor to give oral to the man as he stands over her. We don’t know about you, but there’s something mildly offensive about this stance. Also, it’s not comfortable for either of you – your knees will hurt, and his legs will start quivering when he begins to get excited. Just take the civilized way out – lie him down on the bed and then go down on him.

4 Get some lube on and get to it. Receiving and giving oral is great, but it tends to get uncomfortable. You cannot constantly generate enough saliva, and he will not enjoy the experience if your mouth is dry. Both of you will love oral sex more if you use lube. Flavoured lube is great for oral sex, and it is safe to ingest as well. Or if you’re inclined for it, ask him to wear a flavoured condom before you suck him. Once he’s really hard, you can straddle him and have mind-blowing sex.

5 Rub the tip against the roof of your mouth – here’s why. One secret that most women don’t know, is that the penis cannot distinguish between different textures of your mouth. It won’t know if it’s rubbing against the inside of your cheek, or your tongue, or your throat. In fact, deep throating is rarely pleasurable because the penis tip needs to constantly bump or rub against a surface instead of trying to find its way into space. Do yourselves a favour and let his penis tip rub against the roof of your mouth – he will love the sensation and you won’t gag at all!

5 ways to have ‘man’tastic sex

how to please your man

Pleasing your man is not only about making him scream with ecstasy – the build-up can be as exciting as the actual act!

It’s a myth that men are ready to have a go at women at a moment’s notice. It’s true that men are aroused quicker than women, but they need some time to get there. Most women fumble when it comes to gratifying their partners in bed. The trick is to include his entire body in the act, and not just his genital area.

Try these 5 ways if you want help on how to please your man:

1 Explore him. Men have several erogenous zones that do not get tested for years. For instance, the fold of skin under the buttocks, or the neck, or even the skin under the rib cage and waist, are some male erogenous zones. Even a simple nibble on his ear lobes can make him hard. Good sex is not just about penetration and orgasms; it is about the experience that builds up to it. Exploring his body using lube, your tongue and fingers will drive him wild with desire.

2 Give him a sensual massage. Not every sexual experience needs to end with penetrative sex. Sometimes, feeling aroused and loved is more important than an orgasm. Give your man a sensual massage using lube, and he will feel relaxed and desired. The best thing about a sensual massage is that he will be so aroused, that you will end up having amazing sex if that’s the end result you’re hoping for.

3 Oral is great. Every man loves oral sex. But you might wish to read up on the best ways to give oral. Many women make the mistake of sucking too hard – this is really painful and the opposite of sexy – or doing the same thing for too long, so he doesn’t feel excited any more. He will love it if you practice on him, and don’t forget to use your hands on his body as you pleasure him down there.

4 Act out his fantasy. Have you ever asked him what his sexual fantasy is? If you haven’t, or if you know about it but have never tried it, now is the time to act it out. Role play is really sexy, and he will be left awestruck as you emerge from the bathroom dressed as his secret sexual fantasy. Get the costume, put on the makeup, and really become the character. Then let things go on from there.

5 Do the unexpected. Nothing gets him more aroused than doing something he least expects. For instance, if you are normally passive in bed, you could stun him by flipping him over on his back and going down on him. Or if you are normally the aggressive one, lie back and tell him to have his way with you. You can even try a new sex position, or a new condom that pleasures you both, or bring him to an erection by rubbing his privates with warming lube.

How to have sex when you’re pregnant

sex positions during pregnancy

Get clearance from your doctor and take on board these 5 sex positions to have sex even when you’ve got the bump!

The funny thing about sex is that it can put your hormones on overdrive when you’re pregnant. Some women experience periods of intense arousal as the pregnancy progresses. Many men are afraid of having sex with the woman when her bump is in the way – after all, sex should not endanger the baby. But once your doctor gives you the go-ahead (usually in the second trimester), you can have sex whenever you feel like it.

Consider these 5 excellent sex positions during pregnancy; they will let you enjoy sex without putting pressure on the baby bump:

1 Woman on top. Most women (and men) prefer this position because it gives the woman a lot of control over the depth of penetration and the speed of thrusts. However, this position makes the person on top do all the work. It is fine as long as the woman does not suffer from back pain or spinal pressure during pregnancy.

2 Classic missionary. The missionary pose is fine for sex, but only if the man takes care not to put his weight on the woman’s abdomen. This pose is extremely relaxing for the woman, since she just has to lie back and relax while he does the work! The man can also caress and stimulate the woman’s breasts and shoulders in this position, making it exciting for her and himself.

3 Doggy style. This is one of the most popular sex positions during pregnancy, because there is no danger of the bump being pressurised, and both partners can enjoy sex quite a lot. The woman gets on her knees and holds the bedstead for support, while the man sits on his knees and enters her from behind. The man must take care to hold her hips lightly and not hold her belly to get a tighter grip.

4 Spooning. This is also a good sex position during pregnancy, since it gives the man a chance to caress the woman’s body while also entering her from behind. It is a position that increases intimacy and bonding between the couple, since it is essentially like having sex while sharing an affectionate hug.

5 Seated facing each other. This pose calls for relaxed sex while looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Both partners can choose to be face to face, or embrace each other lightly while having sex. This position also gives more scope for speed and passion.

‘Do I really need to have sex with a condom on?’

sex with a condom

This, and other frequently asked questions, about safe sex and the necessity of a condom during intercourse.

1 ‘Do I really need to wear condom during sex? I only have sex with my wife.’

While you can certainly have sex without a condom on when you are certain that both you and your partner are committed to each other, wearing it does have a few benefits. First off, both of you must be free of any STDs or STIs, or you will risk infecting each other. Second, you may still be in your childbearing years. If you already have children, or if you don’t want any children at the moment, you might risk an unwanted pregnancy. So sex with a condom makes more sense in case of the latter eventuality.

2 ‘Sex with a condom reduces my pleasure, but my partner insists on it. What should I do?’

Listen to him! Sex with a condom on protects you both against both STDs and pregnancies. Besides, who says condoms reduce pleasure? Ask your partner to try flavoured, textured or extra thin condoms. You no longer need to complain about lack of sensation. You can also try pleasure gels to derive greater satisfaction.

3 ‘I am almost never able to get the right sized condom. What should I do?’

Keep looking. There are premium condom brands that offer a variety of sizes, textures, thickness and sensations. Of course, finding the right condom is a matter of trial and error, and you are better off buying them in your own country than elsewhere – condom companies customise condom sizes as per nationality, so you can find your perfect fit in your country.

4 ‘My partner is on the pill. Do I still need to use a condom?’

The oral contraceptive pill only protects her from unwanted pregnancies. It does not have any effect on preventing the transmission of STDs and STIs. If this is a new partner, you don’t know if she has any STDs or not. She doesn’t know that about you, either. So do the right thing – have sex with a condom on to save both of you from disease.

5 ‘After sex, I found out that the condom had torn. I am terrified about getting pregnant. What should I do?’

If you had sex less than 72 hours ago, you can take an emergency contraceptive pill that will prevent a pregnancy from taking place. You need not worry if you are already on monthly contraception, since the condom is not really needed for contraceptive purposes if you are. If it has been more than 72 hours and you have not taken any contraception, wait for a few days and take a pregnancy test. If the test is positive, you can ask your gynaecologist about your options.

What does safe sex mean?

Safe sex is the key to good sex, and it shows responsibility for yourself and your partner.

We often hear the term ‘safe sex’ without fully realising what it means. For the most part, it is a way to have sex without compromising your sexual healthy and security. But it also deals with having sex in a safe environment, without coercion or the threat of abuse. Here’s a four-point primer on understanding safe sex:

1 Preventing pregnancy. The most important parameter for safe sex is the plan you have for preventing a pregnancy. If you are in a monogamous relationship with your partner, you can use oral contraceptives or IUD (Intra Uterine Devices) that stop a pregnancy from occurring. But if you have multiple sex partners, or if your partner is new, a condom is necessary every time you have sex.

2 Preventing the transmission of sexual diseases. There is always the danger of getting a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) or Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) with a new partner. You might also inadvertently pass the same to your partner if you have them. Some of them are easy to treat and they do not recur, but others require prolonged treatment and even abstinence from sex till you are fully cured. Do the right thing, use condoms for sex and stop the cycle of transmission.

3 Not coercing your partner into sex. Safe sex is not only about the actual act and what measures you take to prevent pregnancies and infections from being transmitted. It also includes your approach – and also your partner’s – towards sex. Neither of you should feel that the other owes sex to the other, and sex should not be used as a weapon during disputes. You cannot force your partner into sex when they don’t wish to have it, nor should you withhold sex to punish them for something. The same applies to your partner. Sex cannot be a negotiation or pawn, it must be a mutual act between two loving partners.

4 Not doing anything that makes you or your partner uncomfortable. Forcing your partner to have sex without a condom, or agreeing to your partner’s demand for sex without a condom constitute unsafe sex practices. Do not go ahead with it if you feel threatened or subjugated in any way, or if you feel that your sexual health is being compromised due to any practices. You may not be comfortable with certain sex positions, or your partner insisting on filming the act, or even dirty talk. Don’t go ahead with something that creeps you out in any way. Remember, if your instincts tell you something’s wrong, then something probably is.

Are you using the right kind of condom?

types of condoms

There are more types of condoms out there than you would imagine. We compile a simple guide to help you pick the right one.

Sex is a wonderful indulgence, and it has many benefits for one’s health and state of mind. It is also a natural part of every person’s life, so it makes sense to enhance it as much as you can.

You can do this by increasing foreplay and trying different positions. But often, the most basic step is to use the right type of condom. That’s right – a condom can enhance your sexual life in many ways! Its thickness and texture play a major role in this connection, so choosing the right one helps.

Do you need a condom for sex?

Most monogamous couples feel that if they are committed to each other, they can have sex without condoms. This is only half true – you can risk having sex without condoms only if you are trying for a baby. For everyone else, a condom is an absolute necessity – not only does it prevent unwanted pregnancies, it also prevents the transmission of STDs and STIs.

Besides, it is a myth that a condom reduces the feeling and joy of sex. This can happen if you are using a really thick condom with no texture, which can cause a lack of sensation and also some amount of chafing. But the best types of condoms are those that add to the sexual experience, by virtue of being lubed or textured.

Picking the right condom for yourself

Most men are so fixated on getting the right size of condom that they often overlook the fact that there are condoms designed not just for the right fit, but also for the right sensations. Condoms can make the sexual act pleasurable for both partners. You can choose from these types of condoms:

Fetherlite: These condoms are quite thin, so as to give a feeling of super close intimacy during sex. But they are strong enough to withstand the rigours of intercourse and not tear in the process.

Extra safe: These are slightly thicker condoms that take the worry out of your mind as regards contracting an STD or having an unwanted pregnancy. They are lined with spermicide.

Real feel: These condoms have a texture that mimics the feel of skin, so that sex becomes completely natural.

Pleasuremax: These condoms have a ribbed and dotted texture to enhance her sensitivity during sex.

Ribbed, dotted: These condoms have ribs on the surface, or raised dots, to enhance her pleasure during sex.

Warming: These are textured condoms with warming lube on the surface for enhanced feeling.

Flavoured: These condoms make oral sex fun and enjoyable for both partners.

Delayed climax: These condoms delay the orgasm so you can go on for longer.